Posted Monday, September 4th, 2006
Rachelle Arlin Credo
The night wind blew across Maya's face as she paced the veranda of her Windsor side-yard house. She basked in the moonbeams and gazed at the stars twinkling brightly in the summer sky. She looked down at the small creature laying still in her arms and sighed softly. After six miscarriages and one stillbirth, her maternal longings were finally fulfilled. She bent over and gave a soft kiss to the tiny cherub's forehead. With scanty silky hair blowing gently in the stiff wind, she traced its eyebrows, nose and mouth.
Its blue eyes sparkled with refracted light. She smiled then kissed it one more time on the nose. A hand touched her right shoulder.
"Honey, it's late."
"Sshhh...I'm just putting Baby Liz to sleep," she whispered.
She strode back into the bedroom and gently laid the baby down on its crib with its cold pink plastic face forever smiling as she waved goodnight.
Comments [post a comment]
Posted by Gerald Matthews on Thursday, September 7th, 2006 at 1:52 AM
Wow! I never expected that kind of twist..That was just so....unbelievably good! You have the makings of a true writer. Hope to read more of these.
Posted by Danielle McShine on Tuesday, September 12th, 2006 at 12:37 AM
This is a touching little piece, Rachelle. It evokes feeling, generates some sympathy, and that can be difficult in such a short piece. I think 'refracted' is a particularly good choice, as are 'cold pink' prior to the one word where this turns 'plastic.' The writing's good and the structure/reveal of information worked fine for me. I like the twist at the end best.
Posted by Suzanne Thompson on Sunday, October 1st, 2006 at 10:00 PM
Thanks for sharing this piece with me. Interesting, intriguing. As a reader, I wasn't ready for the piece to end. I wanted more -- development and continuation. You caught my attention and ... For me, short pieces are tricky for offering response. Consider a longer piece, maybe? I'd like to hear B.L. read, by you. Suzanne T.
Posted by Norma Trent on Monday, October 9th, 2006 at 5:12 PM
As a fan and struggling flash fiction writer, this is a great story. I wasn't ready for the ending, but it was fulfilling. Thanks for a great read!